I lost my best friend, my bulldog.When my heart is breaking all I can do is turn to a blank page and fill it with my thoughts, fears, and pain with my words. So with this being one of the most difficult things my heart has endured I’ve decided to share the story of my best friend- Bentley.
The Moment I looked into his eyes I just knew…he was the one! That cute little face, button nose, wrinkled body and that tight corkscrew tail were all just perfect; he was exactly the bulldog I had wanted for so long. I never could have imagined how much my life would change the day we brought him into our home. So let me start by saying that I am an animal lover and I knew that I would love him, spoil him, and take good care of him; but I had no idea just how much he would take care of me in return.
Bulldog: a muscular, hefty dog with a wrinkled face and a distinctive pushed-in nose.
My Therapy Dog?
I know that most people have a bond with their pets and love them, but this sweet boy literally stole my heart. I honestly have no words to describe it. He wasn’t a therapy dog, a service dog or trained to provide emotional support but he was MY therapy and support dog. I doubt he knew how much comfort he gave me or how much he brought me out of the darkness….but he did just that.
I struggle with depression and Fibromyalgia and there are some very dark and agonizing days for me. Bentley could not take my pain away but he gave me love, support and gave me so many reasons to laugh which helped me to deal with my pain and fatigue. Bulldogs are usually what you would consider lap dogs; but he cuddled with me every day.
I believe that he could sense when I was hurting because he always seemed to sit a little closer and put his head on my chest on those difficult days. He listened to me without judging, he never ever got angry with me, and truly loved me unconditionally. His games and antics for my attention always brought a smile to my face. A smile comes across my face when I think of the way he would prance around in front of people because he knew how handsome he was.
I wasn’t Prepared
I always knew that deep down in my heart I was not going to survive losing him- I knew it would be more than I could bear and that someday that dreaded day would come. To be completely honest, it has been worse than I ever imagined. It was not his time and he had so much more life to live and love to give.
Bentley passed away after complications from surgery and there just wasn’t anything they could do to save him. I struggle with the fact that we left him there for surgery and never got to see him again until after he passed- I should have been by his side now that he was the one hurting. I just keep thinking about him in the hospital wondering why I just left him there. He was always there for me and the time that he needed me the most I wasn’t there for him. I feel this incredible guilt for letting him down when he never once let me down.
If there is a rainbow bridge that he crossed, I can only hope and pray that he is at peace and knows that I loved him more than words. I hope that he knows that I did not abandon him and that he truly was and will always be a part of me.
An angel sent to me by God. He must have known that this sweet boy was what I needed to survive a time in my life that was difficult. He must have known that we would have that unbreakable bond and love for one another. And he must have known that we were meant to be a pair.
I have Bentley’s paw prints forever on my heart and I truly believe that he has changed who I am; he showed me what unconditional love truly is and taught me what loyalty meant with a lifetime commitment. Bentley was more than a pet, he was more than one in a million….
he was a ONCE IN A LIFETIME! Until we meet again, rest in peace my sweet handsome boy.
January 13, 2011 – October 13, 2018
A Tribute to a Best Friend, My bulldog
Sunlight streams through the front door
and I remember it’s where you used to lie.
I hear the wind blow open your puppy door
and look to see if you’re asleep on the kitchen floor.
I find myself still cautiously walking down the dark hall
so I don’t find you asleep in the doorway and fall.
I can now hear the clocks ticking….it’s a sound I don’t recall
because the tick-tocks were blocked by the best sounds of all.
With your memory in my heart I try not to fall apart.
It’s through tears of love I look to the skies above
to remember the years of truelove.